Standing in the queue for a taxi last night was an interesting experience. I came from Balance Center with my hair all pulled back in a pony tail, coated in oil from the spa treatment. There were only 3 groups in front of me, and I didn't think I would be waiting too long. Just behind me were two women: one maybe my age, one quite a bit younger, along with two little ones, maybe ages 2 and 4. The littlest one slept most of the time in a slumped upright position in a stroller, while the other looked was standing up, looking around and engaging her mom. At one point, the older woman turned to the group of teenagers standing just behind us in the parking lot and asked them what they wanted, and why they were staring. She threatened to call the police if the boys didn't stop talking about them. I hadn't been aware of the distress, but admired her for addressing them directly.
The first cab came right away. It was the first night of the weekend, and traffic was at a standstill. The next empty cab didn't arrive for 20 minutes. As the line moved along, I kept thinking about the Bodhisattva vow: to let everyone "go in front of you." I haven't taken the vow, but I think about it all the time. Essentially, it's an aspiration to help all of humanity, and utilizing your life in service of others. I realized that there would be no end to the line for me, if I kept letting everyone go in front of me. This is part of the point, I think, that there is no end to human suffering. I thought about how I'd gotten to work at 8:30 am, and now it was 8:40 pm, and I was really hungry.
When I was standing in the front, I kept thinking that when the cab came for me, I would step aside and let the women with the small children go in front of me. Just as I made that decision, a cab pulled up. I was about to tell them, when a man wearing the local dress who hadn't been standing in line walked up to the cab before it got to me, opened the passenger door, and got in. There were two security men observing the situation, and tension began to rise. A young, very skinny boy three or four behind me in the queue walked up to the security guy to complain. I couldn't hear the conversation, but saw the security man gesture toward me, indicating that I was next in line anyway, and so it didn't matter about his complaint. The boy stood by the passenger window making his case, and I believe the local man handed some money over to him. After the security man said something, the man got out of the car in a gesture of aggression and violence and walked toward the security guard, threatening him. The boy stood in front of him, trying to calm him down and prevent a fight. Apparently, once the police are called here someone is always fined. Maybe the security guard threatened to call the police, or in some way challenged the local man's authority to take a taxi without queuing up. It occurred to me that, while I was contemplating my small gesture of generosity, I got to witness profound arrogance, ignorance and indifference. These are certainly the roots of many people's suffering. So, I didn't get this cab.
Then a cab pulled in, and just as I turned to the young woman behind me to tell her I would let her go in front of me, another cab pulled directly behind it. She said, "Oh no, no, it's ok." I said, "Well, look, there's another cab immediately following." She was looking at the other woman for approval, when the first cab now dimmed his overhead light and drove off without taking on a new passenger.
Initially I thought that my gesture of letting them go first would seem and feel insignificant, because how easy it is to give up the cab when I know my 'relief' is directly behind it. After the first cab drove away, I still insisted that they take the next cab. Oddly, this made me feel better about it, like I wasn't being stingy or primarily looking out for myself while ostensibly appearing generous. Another woman toward the back of the queue noticed my gesture, and made her own effort to help these women by trying to get the trunk open, so she could put her stroller and bags there. This other woman, maybe 3 or 4 behind me, also had a stroller. I didn't actually see the baby, but I'm guessing the baby was in her husband's arms. I thought about how long it would take for me to keep letting people go in front of me so that this woman could get a cab. By this point I'd been standing in line for 40 minutes. Deciding that I couldn't help that family today, I hopped in the next cab.
The first cab came right away. It was the first night of the weekend, and traffic was at a standstill. The next empty cab didn't arrive for 20 minutes. As the line moved along, I kept thinking about the Bodhisattva vow: to let everyone "go in front of you." I haven't taken the vow, but I think about it all the time. Essentially, it's an aspiration to help all of humanity, and utilizing your life in service of others. I realized that there would be no end to the line for me, if I kept letting everyone go in front of me. This is part of the point, I think, that there is no end to human suffering. I thought about how I'd gotten to work at 8:30 am, and now it was 8:40 pm, and I was really hungry.
When I was standing in the front, I kept thinking that when the cab came for me, I would step aside and let the women with the small children go in front of me. Just as I made that decision, a cab pulled up. I was about to tell them, when a man wearing the local dress who hadn't been standing in line walked up to the cab before it got to me, opened the passenger door, and got in. There were two security men observing the situation, and tension began to rise. A young, very skinny boy three or four behind me in the queue walked up to the security guy to complain. I couldn't hear the conversation, but saw the security man gesture toward me, indicating that I was next in line anyway, and so it didn't matter about his complaint. The boy stood by the passenger window making his case, and I believe the local man handed some money over to him. After the security man said something, the man got out of the car in a gesture of aggression and violence and walked toward the security guard, threatening him. The boy stood in front of him, trying to calm him down and prevent a fight. Apparently, once the police are called here someone is always fined. Maybe the security guard threatened to call the police, or in some way challenged the local man's authority to take a taxi without queuing up. It occurred to me that, while I was contemplating my small gesture of generosity, I got to witness profound arrogance, ignorance and indifference. These are certainly the roots of many people's suffering. So, I didn't get this cab.
Then a cab pulled in, and just as I turned to the young woman behind me to tell her I would let her go in front of me, another cab pulled directly behind it. She said, "Oh no, no, it's ok." I said, "Well, look, there's another cab immediately following." She was looking at the other woman for approval, when the first cab now dimmed his overhead light and drove off without taking on a new passenger.
Initially I thought that my gesture of letting them go first would seem and feel insignificant, because how easy it is to give up the cab when I know my 'relief' is directly behind it. After the first cab drove away, I still insisted that they take the next cab. Oddly, this made me feel better about it, like I wasn't being stingy or primarily looking out for myself while ostensibly appearing generous. Another woman toward the back of the queue noticed my gesture, and made her own effort to help these women by trying to get the trunk open, so she could put her stroller and bags there. This other woman, maybe 3 or 4 behind me, also had a stroller. I didn't actually see the baby, but I'm guessing the baby was in her husband's arms. I thought about how long it would take for me to keep letting people go in front of me so that this woman could get a cab. By this point I'd been standing in line for 40 minutes. Deciding that I couldn't help that family today, I hopped in the next cab.
Every day is a different lesson. Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughtful observations. Always teaching.
ReplyDelete"Those that know, do. Those that understand teach." Aristotle Be well dear heart. Love Mama
"and utilizing your life in service of others. " hmm we seem suddenly to be thinking in the same direction. the other day when discussing some ideas with my wife Tracey I mentioned a recent conversation I had with a long time Scouting buddy where he said to " what do you think Scouting was training you for all of those years"
ReplyDeleteI told Tracey that after thinking about it , what i had been learning (and missing for some time) is "cheerful service to others"